Blank page days

by Fr. Jeff

“Fr. Jeff, why haven’t you been writing?”

The question has arisen many times lately because the frequency of my posts has dropped. I admit that sometimes it is due to my own reluctance.

Reflecting on the events of these last few months and the blank pages that fill those days, however, You have helped me to grasp a central theme of the priest’s life:

When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.

–Matthew 6:5-6

Much of priestly life is hidden.

I have had some profound experiences in these months. There have been moments of great healing and profound spiritual insight. Hundreds of sins have been forgiven, many people have been counseled, and the Gospel has been preached. Joy wells up in my heart when I think of the great things You have done.

But for most of these events, I can share nothing.

In order to protect the integrity of Your people and the divine nature of Your providence, most of those encounters can never be shared.

A priest said something to me when I was a young boy that attracted me to the mystery of priesthood:

Only other priests can fully understand the beauty of priestly ministry.

We sometimes give glimpses of what our interior experience is like, but the depth of the beauty can be known only from the inside. When that little red light is on above the door, Your light shines in my heart most brightly.

In order to protect the integrity of that light, we simply let it shine from behind the screen. We take those experiences, bring them to the inner room of our hearts, close the door, and pray to You in secret. And You who sees in secret certainly do repay us.

In secret.

The days when I write nothing are some of the most fulfilling of my priesthood. They are blank not because nothing happened, but because I love You and Your people too much to share.

Today, I thank You for the

blank page days.